Horrible, terrible, atrocious, disgusting, horrendous, vile, nauseating, offensive, raunchy, dreadful…There really aren’t enough negatives in the English language to describe how bad this movie is. The Love Guru is not only the worst movie I have seen this year, it also may very well be the absolute worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life.

I knew this movie was going to be terrible going into it, but I thought it would be something so bad you could laugh at how bad it was…I was wrong. I was horribly, horribly wrong.

I don’t know what happened to Mike Myers. The first Austin Powers film was hilarious, the second was okay, the third was horrible, but this….something this bad is nothing short of criminal. If I were Mike Myers (heaven forbid), I would take whatever money this abomination makes and give it back to all those unfortunate enough to witness it.

The movie’s idea of funny is to have Mike Myers be as raunchy as possible and laugh at the camera (to remind you that it was intended to be funny), but believe me, no one but Mike Myers is laughing. The Austin Powers sequels got pretty raunchy (especially the third one), but this is simply irredeemably raunchy…And then some.

I feel guilty about even calling The Love Guru a movie, as saying such a thing is beyond insulting to cinema. The Love Guru is so terrible that it is now one of the select few “movies” that I just could not sit the whole way through. Only Battlefield Earth and Norbit could previously claim such a dishonor, but The Love Guru may be the worst of the three. At least you can laugh at the very name of Battlefield Earth, at least Norbit had Eddie Murphy in another fat suit. Even Manos: The Hand of Fate had a classic episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000 to its name! The Love Guru has absolutely no “redeeming” qualities whatsoever.

Not only did I walk out on The Love Guru, but I went to see The Incredible Hulk again right afterwards just to get it out of my head. The Love Guru really was that horrible. It better be a long time before Mike Myers desides to write and star in another movie, but honestly, I can’t imagine anything being worse than this.

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I would have liked to have given a movie a one out of ten to show what my idea of a one is. But I simply can’t even give The Love Guru that. There simply isn’t a rating system that goes low enough.