Before you read the review there are two things you should know: 1: I have yet to read the graphic novel, but I did some reading up on it prior to the film’s release, so I still did know what kind of movie I was seeing, even if it may sound otherwise.

2. I usually try not to review rated R films on this site to keep everything PG rated (if you will), but I’ve been a little slow on the reviews lately so I figured I owed it to my fanbase to review something (I hope he isn’t disappointed). With that said I will not go into too much detail on why this film is rated R (keepin’ it PG here) but just know that just because this classifies as a superhero movie, DON’T TAKE ANY CHILDREN TO SEE IT. I say this because during my viewing a man a few rows behind me brought his son, which he definitely shouldn’t have.

Anywho, on to the business.

Watchmen is based on the highly acclaimed graphic novel of the same name. And as such, it was the first hyped movie of 2009. But as with almost anything with hype surrounding it, it just can’t live up to it.

There are really two interesting aspects to the film. One is that it really does seem like a cinematic graphic novel. It just looks like a comic book. The other thing is that (unlike most superhero films) the main focus of the film is really the psychological nature of the “superheoes.” The problem with this however, is that the psychology of the characters is so depraved that you can’t possibly like them. The “heroes” in question range from the apathetic, cold and unrelatable blue-glowy nudist, Dr. Manhattan, to the repulsively vile Comedian, who really can’t be described as anything other than evil. Of all the characters the only one I found to be interesting in the slightest was Rorschach, who’s constant rants on how horrible humanity can be (and to him, is) almost reflects some things I have said in the past…only Rorschach’s rants are far more paranoid, psychotic and depraved than anything I could ever say.

On the subject of Rorschach I have to admit his character design is exceptionally cool, especially his constantly morphing mask, which is designed to appear as an ink blot. But Rorschach’s backstory may be the most disturbed out of anyones’. I will not go into any details, but I will say I don’t think anyone should even think of putting anything like that in a film of any kind. Yes, I know it is just as it was in the novel, but I feel the same way still. It is just far too dark that I feel it shouldn’t even be considered to be incorporated in any medium.

And that is exactly the problem with Watchmen, it is just too dark for its own good. Yes, I know that that was the whole idea behind it, a darker more psychological side to superheroes. But there’s just no reprieve whatsoever from it. The Dark Knight may also be considered dark in some regards, but not in a disturbed way like Watchmen. The “heroes” of Watchmen are more corrupt than any super villain. The Joker showed evil for what it was, Watchmen shows nothing evil, decadence, violence, pretty much anything negative about the world is depicted in Watchmen. There is no way out of the deep, dark hole that is Watchmen. It’s nearly three hours of dispair. I  know many people praise the graphic novel for its not-so cheery take on super heroes. But if the graphic novel is as dark as the film (which I heard it is) maybe they prove Rorschach right by praising such a thing. There is nothing inspirational, nothingentertaining. There is no hope for the Watchmen, and in the end only one of the “heroes” proves to have anything good left in him.

I honestly cannot possibly recomend Watchmen to anyone that isn’t a fan of the comic. I cannot possibly see anyone else finding anything worthwhile about it. Maybe The Dark Knight just set the bar too high?

The world will look up and shout “save us”, and I will whisper “no.”

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